my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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