oh fat girl friday strikes again...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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