the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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