There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
