I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
