i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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