the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
