how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
