How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
