This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
