i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
