If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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