When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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