Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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