He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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