tell your sister to shave her snatch
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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