how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
