He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
