1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
