Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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