Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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