if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
