He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
