I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
