An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
