that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
