Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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