apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
