Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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