don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
