I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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