So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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