It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
