But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
