matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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