Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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