i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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