So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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