3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
