i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
