No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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