I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
