Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
