I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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