Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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