it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
