Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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