he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
and you fell through a lawn chair
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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