38 yer olds are good kisserssss
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
