guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
