This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
