I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
