I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
