Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
