one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
