i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
