He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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