Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I touched a dick in church today
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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