Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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