Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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