singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
