I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
